I remember as a young girl going to visit at a friend's house and being invited to stay for the meal. I was an only child and so had little experience with sitting at a table filled with people. Especially a group who all talked at once, shared activities, and welcomed me as if I was simply another child. I was shy, nervous and hestitant about doing the "right things", being "accepted," and not putting my foot in my mouth in this new social setting experience.
As a child I attended a church that held a very rigid view of Holy Communion (Eucharist or Lord's Supper). Every time it was offered (usually a couple of times a year) there was a frightening call by the pastor to remind us to search our lives, hearts, and memories to avoid taking communion in an "unworthy manner." Dire consequences awaited; I knew people who never did take it for fear they would forget something and take on some horrible judgement. I remember holding the wafer in my hand one time as the pastor warned using the words of the Apostle Paul: Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty concerning the body and blood of the Lord. Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died. (1 Corinthians 11).
What, I wondered, was "unworthy", what was "without discerning"? How could you be sure? I prayed quickly that I did not commit some horrid sin I did not understand and took the elements with fear but seldom worship.
The context was always from Paul's point of view and seldom a return to that room with Christ as He sat at table with his followers: "Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.” And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, “Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you I will not drink again of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.”(Matthew 26)
Jesus' words were a promise of forgiveness of sins. Paul's a gavel of condemnation coming down.
What was always missing from that childhood experience was Paul's words were addressed to a church that called itself followers of Christ but had never been transformed in their actions and attitudes. They were greedy, hateful, judgemental, proud, unkind and unloving. They viewed the "love feast" where the bread and the wine were shared as a place for gluttony, greed, overindulgence of drink, gossip, backbiting and elistist actions. They were anything but "Christ-like." THAT was the unworthy manner Paul was addressing. They were enjoying chowing down on the bread and the wine but forgetting what it represented...the BODY and WORK of Jesus Christ.
When I joined the Methodist Church, I came with that experience and that background. I joined because of a new conviction and understanding of that act, not as a moment of fearful caution, but as a "means of grace". This table of Christ was like that welcome experience at my best friend's house. I came to the table, not because I was 'worthy' or free of sin, but because I was not and at this table was where the remedy for that condition was offered.
Some continue to this day in using
fear to manage the communion table. I think that Christ would welcome us in love, if we seek him, and the problems only arise if we do not seek Him in our life or at the table.
Maybe, the unworthy part comes in not seeking that encounter more often.
John Wesley' Sermon "
On Constant Communion"
